Monday 29 October 2007

Rhodri Morgan's Flying Circus

Voter: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
I wish to complain about this government what I voted for not 100 days ago from this very booth
Pain: Oh yes, the, uh, the National Assembly For Wales...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Look, matey, I know a dead government when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable institution, the Welsh Assembly, idn'it, ay? Beautiful building!

The building don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Rhodri! I've got a lovely Legislative Competence Order for you if you show...

(Pain hits the desk)
There, he moved!

No, he didn't, that was you hitting the desk!
I never!!

Yes, you did!
I never, never did anything...

(yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly)
'ELLO RHODRI!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your 1999 alarm call!
(Takes Rhodri out of the bay and thumps his head on the pavement. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.)
Now that's what I call a dead Government.
No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Welsh Assemblies stun easily, major. look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Government is definitely deceased, and when I voted for it not 100 days ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Valleys.

PININ' for the VALLEYS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
The Welsh Assembly prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable institution, id'nit, squire? Lovely building!

Look, I took the liberty of examining that government when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting in the Bay in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Senedd down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and just like Alex Salmond...
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

"VOOM"?!? Mate, this Senedd wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
No no! 'E's pining!

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Assembly is no more! It has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the Bay 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-GOVERNMENT!


Anonymous said...

I'd like to know if anyone actually likes Peter Hain outside Neath and Westminster.

Unknown said...

Dont think hes that popular in Neath.....

Anonymous said...

Excellent posting great use of humour with a very sharp pont to it
I have just ranted on my blog along similar lines, but not with such a side ways grin , may be I should have